Being no stranger to stress in my life, I have been searching the world over for a quick and permanent way to alleviate it for good. And now that I have found it, I am ready to pass it along to all those interested. No, I am not looking to sell it in a pill form and make a million bucks. I am so generous and so sure it will work I am willing to pass it on for free.
Let me outline my qualifications for you so that you can rest assured you are getting advice from a professional. I am a felon and enjoy all the perks that come with that label. I have not one, but two failed marriages that have resulted in two beautiful children, hefty child support payments, and a one hundred and fifty mile round trip in order to see both kids at the same time. I drive a 13-year-old vehicle with well over 300 thousand miles and a transmission that promises to fail me any day now. I am a partner in a few small businesses, none of which are thriving, and find myself constantly and diligently searching for ways to make money. The amount of money that is supposed to go out each month to cover my personal bills exceeds the amount of money I bring in, so I have become the master money-juggler.
For the past twenty some-odd years I have been the proud owner of an irritable bowel that specializes in doubling me over in pain, and a migraine headache that can stop me in my tracks. As of four days ago, the Vericella Zoster virus that gave me chicken pox as a child decided that the circumstances were optimal for an encore performance, and I now sport eight patches of shingles on my face and head, and suffer from postherpetic neuralgia that typically accompanies them.
I am a stress machine, churning acid and latent worries like an active volcano spews lava. I am so busy I don't even have time to deal with stress, so I masterfully bury it in all the available spaces my body and psyche can offer.
My "stress" qualifications runneth over. I have met all the common stressors so many people encounter: parenthood, money (or lack thereof), career, loneliness, addiction, broken relationships, broken dreams, piece-of-junk vehicles, incompetent people, and a whole list of other problems, each of which send us clambering for the nearest rock under which to hide.
So, now that you know my credentials, you can find comfort in knowing that I have the formula that will help you relieve your stress.
But, before I reveal it to you, let me tell you what I found in my research about how some of my personal heroes rid their lives of stress:
King David-- David was the anointed king (1 Samuel 16), killed the giant Goliath (1 Samuel 17), was crowned king of Judah (2 Samuel 12), then king of Israel (2 Samuel 15), and God made a special covenant with him (2 Samuel 7, 8). Then he had to go and get greedy, commit adultery and murder (2 Samuel 11), have his house divided (2 Samuel 15-18), and gloat over his achievements (2 Samuel 24) before his death (1 Kings 2:10). David flourished in battle, fled from evil men, hid in caves, sat on thrones, ruled in power, and was called a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14).
Some of David's stress was brought about by the sins of others, but most of it was brought about by his own sins. Do you know what David did to alleviate his stress? He praised God. David wrote 73 Psalms, and praised God in some form or fashion in each one.
Hmmm. He did not seem to find a way to remove his stress. Moving on from David...
Okay, let's try Paul. Paul was instrumental in bringing the Gospel to the non-Jews. He wrote 13 of the 27 books of the New Testament. Paul used to be Saul, was a Pharisee (Phil. 3:4-6), a Roman citizen (Acts 22:25), persecuted Christians (Galatians 1:13-15), beat them, dragged them in chains to prisons (Acts 8:1-3, 9:1-2), and was an official witness to the stoning death of Stephen (Acts 7:58). But Saul saw the light (Acts 9:3), met Jesus (Acts 9:4-6), was blinded (Acts 9:8), healed by Ananias* (Acts 9:17-19), and changed his handle to "Paul" (Acts 13:9).
*As a side note, it utterly amazes me that when the Lord addressed people in the Bible such as Ananias, they actually argued with him! (see Acts 9:13). Any thoughts on that?
Back to Paul--he had a few physical problems, aside from the fact that he was being chased and imprisoned half the time he was preaching. He was small in stature and probably wasn't a great public speaker (2 Cor. 10:10), and he had a "thorn in his flesh" (2 Cor. 12:7). Perhaps it was a disease of the eyes (see Gal. 4:13-15) or some other malady, but it was a nuisance nevertheless.
Do you know what Paul did to remove his "stress," his thorn? Three different times he asked God to take it from him. In fact he says he begged (2 Cor. 12:8). And guess what God did. He said "Nope. My grace is enough, bro. And my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9). So, instead of complaining, Paul boasts about his weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities...all in the name of Christ (2 Cor. 12:9-10).
Dang. No help there, either.
How about Peter? He denied Christ three times (Matt. 26:69-74), couldn't answer Jesus' "do you love me" questions with the same kind of love Christ referred to (see John 21:15-17; Jesus uses agapaō, which means Godly love, and Peter uses phileō, which means "fond of."), and yet Christ said it was Peter's faith upon which he would build the church. Do you know how Peter handled stress? Cut off a dude's ear (John 18:10), sank in the water when he took his eyes off of Christ (Matt. 14:28), and showed his impetuousness at times (Matt. 17:24-27). But Peter brought people the Good News (Acts 2:24), healed the sick (Acts 5:15-16), reversed his prejudice against non-Jews (Acts 9:43), but most importantly, he never failed to follow Jesus. He may have failed many times because his passion was not backed with faith, but he never failed to follow.
I'm starting to see a trend here. These guys had problems, and they couldn't get rid of them. Moreover, they praised God, claimed power through Christ, continued to follow, and went on with their suffering. Well, that's not my solution. I want to get rid of stress, not learn to live with it.
The way I see it there are only three ways to deal with a problem. You can face it head on (which is certainly NOT getting rid of it), you can remove the source, or you can ignore it. So, let's try the latter two solutions.
Can I remove the label of felony? Not easily, and certainly not quickly, if ever. And since it carries grave consequences, I cannot ignore it, either.
How about divorce? Nope. Can't undo that. Even if a marriage is restored, the pain from the divorce still exists. I could ignore it (or rather bury it), but that is what got me a gut gripe, headaches, and now shingles. No luck there.
Well, let's try some of yours: can we remove the death of a loved one or ignore it? Can we remove the heartache caused by a broken relationship? Can we remove the pain caused by the addict in our family? What about the unwanted pregnancy? Will an abortion fix it? I think not. Is there a quick fix for not being able to pay the bills? Not a viable one. What about a wayward child? Ignore them? Kick 'em to the curb? Sure, easy right?
Okay, okay. I lied. The truth is I don't have a fat clue how to remove stress or its causes. Instead, I will take heart that I am in some pretty good company with David, Paul and Peter, and all the rest of you, and I will praise God, claim power in Christ, and continue to follow him, fail as I might.
So, what glory can I bring you from all this God? I can't wait to get started.
Let me outline my qualifications for you so that you can rest assured you are getting advice from a professional. I am a felon and enjoy all the perks that come with that label. I have not one, but two failed marriages that have resulted in two beautiful children, hefty child support payments, and a one hundred and fifty mile round trip in order to see both kids at the same time. I drive a 13-year-old vehicle with well over 300 thousand miles and a transmission that promises to fail me any day now. I am a partner in a few small businesses, none of which are thriving, and find myself constantly and diligently searching for ways to make money. The amount of money that is supposed to go out each month to cover my personal bills exceeds the amount of money I bring in, so I have become the master money-juggler.
For the past twenty some-odd years I have been the proud owner of an irritable bowel that specializes in doubling me over in pain, and a migraine headache that can stop me in my tracks. As of four days ago, the Vericella Zoster virus that gave me chicken pox as a child decided that the circumstances were optimal for an encore performance, and I now sport eight patches of shingles on my face and head, and suffer from postherpetic neuralgia that typically accompanies them.
I am a stress machine, churning acid and latent worries like an active volcano spews lava. I am so busy I don't even have time to deal with stress, so I masterfully bury it in all the available spaces my body and psyche can offer.
My "stress" qualifications runneth over. I have met all the common stressors so many people encounter: parenthood, money (or lack thereof), career, loneliness, addiction, broken relationships, broken dreams, piece-of-junk vehicles, incompetent people, and a whole list of other problems, each of which send us clambering for the nearest rock under which to hide.
So, now that you know my credentials, you can find comfort in knowing that I have the formula that will help you relieve your stress.
But, before I reveal it to you, let me tell you what I found in my research about how some of my personal heroes rid their lives of stress:
King David-- David was the anointed king (1 Samuel 16), killed the giant Goliath (1 Samuel 17), was crowned king of Judah (2 Samuel 12), then king of Israel (2 Samuel 15), and God made a special covenant with him (2 Samuel 7, 8). Then he had to go and get greedy, commit adultery and murder (2 Samuel 11), have his house divided (2 Samuel 15-18), and gloat over his achievements (2 Samuel 24) before his death (1 Kings 2:10). David flourished in battle, fled from evil men, hid in caves, sat on thrones, ruled in power, and was called a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14).
Some of David's stress was brought about by the sins of others, but most of it was brought about by his own sins. Do you know what David did to alleviate his stress? He praised God. David wrote 73 Psalms, and praised God in some form or fashion in each one.
Hmmm. He did not seem to find a way to remove his stress. Moving on from David...
Okay, let's try Paul. Paul was instrumental in bringing the Gospel to the non-Jews. He wrote 13 of the 27 books of the New Testament. Paul used to be Saul, was a Pharisee (Phil. 3:4-6), a Roman citizen (Acts 22:25), persecuted Christians (Galatians 1:13-15), beat them, dragged them in chains to prisons (Acts 8:1-3, 9:1-2), and was an official witness to the stoning death of Stephen (Acts 7:58). But Saul saw the light (Acts 9:3), met Jesus (Acts 9:4-6), was blinded (Acts 9:8), healed by Ananias* (Acts 9:17-19), and changed his handle to "Paul" (Acts 13:9).
*As a side note, it utterly amazes me that when the Lord addressed people in the Bible such as Ananias, they actually argued with him! (see Acts 9:13). Any thoughts on that?
Back to Paul--he had a few physical problems, aside from the fact that he was being chased and imprisoned half the time he was preaching. He was small in stature and probably wasn't a great public speaker (2 Cor. 10:10), and he had a "thorn in his flesh" (2 Cor. 12:7). Perhaps it was a disease of the eyes (see Gal. 4:13-15) or some other malady, but it was a nuisance nevertheless.
Do you know what Paul did to remove his "stress," his thorn? Three different times he asked God to take it from him. In fact he says he begged (2 Cor. 12:8). And guess what God did. He said "Nope. My grace is enough, bro. And my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9). So, instead of complaining, Paul boasts about his weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities...all in the name of Christ (2 Cor. 12:9-10).
Dang. No help there, either.
How about Peter? He denied Christ three times (Matt. 26:69-74), couldn't answer Jesus' "do you love me" questions with the same kind of love Christ referred to (see John 21:15-17; Jesus uses agapaō, which means Godly love, and Peter uses phileō, which means "fond of."), and yet Christ said it was Peter's faith upon which he would build the church. Do you know how Peter handled stress? Cut off a dude's ear (John 18:10), sank in the water when he took his eyes off of Christ (Matt. 14:28), and showed his impetuousness at times (Matt. 17:24-27). But Peter brought people the Good News (Acts 2:24), healed the sick (Acts 5:15-16), reversed his prejudice against non-Jews (Acts 9:43), but most importantly, he never failed to follow Jesus. He may have failed many times because his passion was not backed with faith, but he never failed to follow.
I'm starting to see a trend here. These guys had problems, and they couldn't get rid of them. Moreover, they praised God, claimed power through Christ, continued to follow, and went on with their suffering. Well, that's not my solution. I want to get rid of stress, not learn to live with it.
The way I see it there are only three ways to deal with a problem. You can face it head on (which is certainly NOT getting rid of it), you can remove the source, or you can ignore it. So, let's try the latter two solutions.
Can I remove the label of felony? Not easily, and certainly not quickly, if ever. And since it carries grave consequences, I cannot ignore it, either.
How about divorce? Nope. Can't undo that. Even if a marriage is restored, the pain from the divorce still exists. I could ignore it (or rather bury it), but that is what got me a gut gripe, headaches, and now shingles. No luck there.
Well, let's try some of yours: can we remove the death of a loved one or ignore it? Can we remove the heartache caused by a broken relationship? Can we remove the pain caused by the addict in our family? What about the unwanted pregnancy? Will an abortion fix it? I think not. Is there a quick fix for not being able to pay the bills? Not a viable one. What about a wayward child? Ignore them? Kick 'em to the curb? Sure, easy right?
Okay, okay. I lied. The truth is I don't have a fat clue how to remove stress or its causes. Instead, I will take heart that I am in some pretty good company with David, Paul and Peter, and all the rest of you, and I will praise God, claim power in Christ, and continue to follow him, fail as I might.
So, what glory can I bring you from all this God? I can't wait to get started.
