I've been mentoring to ex-offenders, most of whom are or were drug addicts, for just over two years now. I have had family members suffer the horrible effects of drug addiction. I myself have fought an addictive personality my entire life. But only in the past few weeks have I begun to perceive a distinct pattern in the behavior of those who have found themselves addicted to one thing or another.
My quest to discover this commonality began when I recently noticed, much to my frustration, that addicts, especially those who have gone through some sort of rehab and are now attempting to right the ship, display an overly-inflated sense of entitlement. It is mind-boggling really, when you watch it in action. And the worst part is that it is completely invisible to its owner. This new growth, this outcropping of his personality, this thing, sticks out of the side of his head like a six-foot shovel whose blade has been jammed half way into his skull, and he is completely oblivious to its existence. As the addict walks through life, looking from side to side for new opportunities, the handle of his metaphorical shovel knocks everyone he meets to the ground, and he stares at his victims blankly, wondering how they got there.
Before I delve into this topic, I would like to explore the meaning and origin of the sense of entitlement that all humans experience; one that I will call, for lack of a better term, a "normal" sense of entitlement. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, entitlement means, among other things, "a right to benefits specified, especially by law or contract; belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain priviledges."
The question is, where does the original sense of entitlement come from? We all feel this sense from time to time, and it is completely customary to do so. But in order to feel entitled to anything, one must first be aware that one is indeed entitled at all. So, how does a normal sense of entitlement arise? One must first either be told that one is entitled to something, or one must observe that someone in similar circumstances (more on that later) received a certain benefit or privilege for performing a task or possessing a skill or characteristic. For instance, if you were hired to do a job and promised a certain amount of pay, provided you have done your job you would feel entitled to that amount of pay come payday. If you have achieved a certain position through your skills and efforts, and you observe that others who have performed similarly have received benefits befitting that position, you then feel entitled to those same benefits. You have to know what you are entitled to before you desire to have it.
Do not confuse this sense of entitlement with a general covet or desire for something. Sure, I want a brand new pick-up truck and a shoe box full of 50s, but I don't think I deserve them, I just want them. I do, however, feel entitled to a high level of freedom because I am an American. I feel entitled to a certain amount of respect because I am a father. And I feel entitled to a certain amount of food when I order a large #8 combo at Burger King. These are things I expect, because a) others in similar circumstance have received those same things, and b) because I have enjoyed them previously and expect them to continue as long as my circumstances remain the same (i.e., America remains free, my children outlive me, and Burger King makes the best fries).
This normal sense of entitlement is a defense mechanism that allows us to make sure we are being treated fairly. We usually know immediately when we are being cheated or taken advantage of. If you do not get what you deserve, you just know it, and it makes you feel bad. If you order a large fry from Burger King and they hand you a large fry container with ten fries in it, you don't have to wonder if you were cheated, you can just tell. AND, you will not hesitate to point out this French fry deficiency to the proper authorities in order to ensure you get that fry container filled to its capacity. That is a "normal" sense of entitlement. When a woman marries a man, she does and should expect to be treated with dignity, respect, and love. It does not take years of physical abuse to instill a sense of entitlement to those original expectations. Her expectations are "normal." Likewise, if you read about someone in Smalltown, America getting kidnapped by federal authorities and tortured or killed for their beliefs, you would be incensed at this obvious breach of their constitutional rights. There would be an uproar as protesters stood against the government and demanded that this crime be punished. Your outrage would be "normal," because you have come to expect a certain amount of freedom in your years here in the United States. The rightful claim to ownership of specified privileges is the existential right of every individual. However, removing the term specified from that sentence nullifies its validity. Therein lies the difference between a "normal" sense of entitlement and and "overly-inflated" one. The latter does not distinguish between privileges that are specified and those that are simply desired.
Although I have not discovered the reason, addicts display an overly-inflated sense of entitlement in almost all aspects of their lives. My best hypothesis is that the addict ignores, or even denies the fact that his circumstances are NOT similar to those of the non-addict. And since he does not recognize the obvious differences in his circumstances and those around him, then he will display the "normal" sense of entitlement that non-addicts would display, not realizing that for him this "normal" sense is actually inflated.
As an illustration, I will recall some specific instances I have come across over the past few years in my dealings with addicts.
"Sue"
Sue is a thirty-something, single mother of three. She has a college degree, years of experience in marketing, customer service, sales, and office management. Sue has been in successful and powerful positions and earned very nice wages for her talents and experience. She has, however, been down on her luck lately. Her health has declined and she has not been able to keep steady work. Because of her lack of income she has been without a car for some time, and has been forced to live with family members. Sue looks around at other thirty-something mothers of three with similar degrees and similar levels of past success and feels entitled to the same things they possess. So, with no real plan for the future, Sue has purchased cars with future payments looming and no income to make them. She has moved into homes with rent payments and utility bills and no income to make those payments, either. And, as a result, she has put her children though countless moves, shut-offs, repos, and no real sense of security or stability. Sue lost the things she felt entitled to because she had no idea that her feelings of entitlement were indeed NOT "normal." While she has seen women with similar circumstances acquire certain benefits and privileges, Sue has failed to take into account that for the past eight years she has been addicted to marijuana, meth, coke, Valium, and a plethora of other drugs. She has lost her jobs, sold her possessions, sold her body, and stolen from friends and family in order to fulfill her addictions. And for these reasons, she does not share similar circumstances with women in their thirties with degrees and three children. Her circumstances have removed her entitlement to the things she desires, yet her sense of entitlement has surpassed "normal" limits and actually increased exponentially despite her lack of sustainability due to her addictions.
"Jack"
Jack was an alcoholic. He has had four or five DUI's, lost his family, home, money, jobs, and has not had a driver's license in over a decade. Jack recently checked himself into a rehab facility and cleaned up. It was not his first trip to rehab, but it was his first voluntary trip. Things are different for Jack now. He is forty and proclaims that he is tired of not having anything. "It's time I do something right for a change," he explains. After leaving rehab, he was homeless, penniless, jobless, and without a vehicle or license. Through our mentoring group we were able to secure Jack housing, provided he find a keep a steady job to help pay for his stay. Jack has 20+ years experience in the concrete business, and has been in charge of six-figure rigs, six-figure jobs, and countless crew members, but because of his felony Jack finds it difficult to get work. Recently those in charge of the house in which he lives informed him that if he did not find work soon they would have to let him go. They had already found him several jobs paying $7 or $8 an hour, but Jack had refused them because he felt he was entitled to much more given his experience and previous pay level. Jack was willing to give up the roof over his head for the "shovel" stuck in it. He failed to see that his alcoholism put him in the position he was in, and rather than being bitter at the lack of work available he should be thankful he has a place to sleep at night, all the food he could eat, clothing, TV, laundry services, and so on. Jack is a bitter man, angry at the world, angry at his family, and angry at God. And while he has been successful in fending off the alcohol demons this time around, his sense of entitlement may let them back in if he is not careful.
These are the struggles the overly-inflated sense of entitlement produces. People become willing to throw away blessings in order to obtain possessions that don't belong to them. As you ponder this, perhaps you realize you know someone in that position, or perhaps you yourself have been carrying that "shovel" around in your skull. Either way, pray it can be removed, and that its owner lay it down in order to see the blessings he already possesses.
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