The Bridge

A man came to a chasm in the road he traveled, and looked down into the oblivion. He knew that in order to continue his journey, he must somehow traverse the chasm and make it to the other side. He saw in the distance a bridge. The bridge was massive, and many people made their way across it to the other side. He stood in line so that he, too, could use the bridge to take him to his destination.

"Do you have your papers?" the bridge keeper asked him as he approached.

"Papers? What papers do I need?" the man asked.

"Everyone who uses this bridge must show their papers," the bridge keeper demanded. "If you do not have your papers, you cannot use the bridge."

"I have no papers," the man stated. "What must these papers prove of me?"

"These papers merely show that you have the basic requirements to use this bridge," the bridge keeper told him. "Do you have any such papers?" he asked again.

"And what are these basic requirements?" the man asked, already afraid he could not produce the proof needed to cross the bridge.

"It's very simple," the bridge keeper replied as he sighed and rolled his eyes. "You must have been born in this land to use this bridge."

"I was," the man responded.

"You must be of the correct age to use this bridge; that is you must be mature enough to understand the dangers of crossing over such a height."

"I am, and I do understand," the man responded.

"You must have the ability to cross this bridge," the bridge keeper continued.

"I have the ability," the man said.

"You must have the mental capacity to understand the benefits and risks of crossing this bridge," the bridge keeper added.

"I am mentally capable of understanding both the benefits and risks of crossing this bridge," the man again responded.

"And finally, you must pay the toll to the ones who own the bridge, and to help support those who use the bridge," the bridge keeper concluded.

"I can pay the toll," the man said, relieved that he quite possibly had passed the necessary requirements to cross the bridge. He opened his jacket to reach inside and get his wallet.

The bridge keeper noticed the man's shirt, and shifted uncomfortably as he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, you cannot cross this bridge," the bridge keeper said sternly.

"But why not, I have passed all your requirements!" the man exclaimed.

"You cannot cross the bridge because of that label you wear on your shirt," the bridge keeper explained. "You must have received that label for breaking one of the laws of this land, and despite having all the other qualifications, you are not allowed to cross this bridge because you wear that label."

The man left the bridge keeper, dejected, and somehow not surprised. He was told when he was given his label that it would be difficult to move across this great land as he was once allowed to do.

"Wait just one moment!" the bridge keeper yelled.

The man turned around, hopeful that the bridge keeper had made an exception. "You must still pay the toll, even though you cannot use this bridge!" Other people surrounded the man, as one of them stepped forward and took his wallet, emptying it of its contents and handing it back to the man.

The man stood there in utter disbelief as the people walked away from him. But instead of giving up, the man walked back to his original path, and stared across the chasm. "I will build my own bridge, one that anyone wearing my label can use, as long as they show that they are willing to step out from behind their label and once again contribute to the greater good of this land."

The man spent all his resources to build a bridge across the chasm. He faced many pitfalls and hurdles along the way. He exhausted all that he had, but he finally built his bridge.

Upon its completion, he began to let those who wore his same label on their shirts use his bridge. The people were thankful, and were able to get to the other side of the chasm and continue their journeys.

The people on the larger bridge mocked at this smaller bridge, and said that it would never last. They said it was not strong enough, and would eventually fall under the pressure placed upon it. But the man continued to fortify it, despite its many weaknesses and lack of support. Others saw the value in the man's bridge, and did what they could to help him support it as best they could.

A few years later, after hundreds of people had crossed the bridge and continued their journeys, the bridge began to falter; and despite all the man's efforts, it fell into the chasm. Just before it did, the man was able to get all those who were on it across to the other side safely, and stop those who were about to cross it before it fell.

The bridge keeper and several of the people using the larger bridge walked over to see all the commotion. "I knew it wouldn't last!" some yelled mockingly. "Such a bridge should never have been built!" they laughed.

A few others quietly consoled the man, "It was never meant to be, at least not here. We saw the value in this bridge, and we applaud you for your efforts. Perhaps someday you can build a bigger, better bridge."

The man got down on his knees and prayed. "Dear God, thank you for the strength to build that bridge, and give me the strength to build another, stronger bridge. Amen."

Then, in a loud, unified cheer from across the chasm came this: "Thank you!"

The man shed a tear as he looked upon the remains of his bridge. "This bridge served its purpose," he said quietly. Then he wandered up and down the edge of the chasm, looking for a place to begin building another, stronger bridge.

Teeth, Meet Boot

Yep, it happened, once again. The past, or at least one of its representatives, kicked me in the teeth today. I knew a long time ago that the consequences of my crime would hang around forever. Today was just another reminder of that. I'd like to go into a bit more detail about my crime than I have before, so you'll understand just how ugly it was.

I had been a high school teacher at ASMSA in Hot Springs for nearly six years when my despicable acts were discovered. I was the Science Department Chair at the time, and had taught over 1,000 students, many of whom had regarded me as their favorite teacher, their friend, their confidant, or at least a person they enjoyed talking to. I was in the perfect position to do so much good. I started there in my mid-twenties, not even a decade older than them. We listened to the same music, had the same interests, and in many respects were more like buddies than teacher/students. I could have had such a powerful ministry and impact on so many people if I had just done what I was supposed to do. Instead, I took advantage of my position and ignored my responsibilities as a teacher, father, husband, man...you name it. In February of 2002 I was arrested for having an affair with a female student. A year later I was convicted of sexual assault in the 1st degree and sentenced to 6 years probation and a $15,000 fine. You know the rest (or perhaps you don't, just go back and read any number of my ramblings on the subject).

I hurt so many people. I knew then as I do now that some of the damage I had done was irreparable. But today I was reminded that ten years later that is still true. A former student reached out on our business' Facebook page and reiterated to me the sobering truth that my actions will forever have consequences. Even if I do nothing but good things for the rest of my days, that fact will never change.

I never had the forum to offer an apology to those I hurt. And I suppose this isn't much of one, with all of my six followers and handful of readers. But it's worth a shot.

To you that I hurt: I'm so very sorry. I'm so sorry I blamed anyone but myself for what I had done. I'm so sorry I let you down. I'm so sorry I ever entered the halls of that institution. I'm so sorry for who I was, and that I will forever where his face.

I pray for your forgiveness, but don't expect it. I wish I could undo it, but I cannot. I can only promise you this: I will continue to make every effort to be a positive influence in people's lives, and try to demonstrate that someone who caused the pain I did, on such a widespread scale, can do something right.

God's grace is the only reason I'm alive today, and I'll be damned if I don't do something useful with that fact. I have, and will, make a positive difference, because God saw fit, despite my efforts to end it all, to keep me around for some reason. And I will not take that for granted.

It's About Time

That's right, it's about time. It's about time I quit hearing, seeing, and ignoring the invitations that come at me everyday. In fact, ever since I was created in my mother's womb with that Y chromosome, I was invited, invited to be a man. When I was allowed to date that girl at the age of 13, and all the ones after, I was invited to be a man. When I was offered my first beer as a teenager, unknowingly opening up 20 plus years of alcohol abuse, I was invited to be a man. When I played give and take with something too precious to ever get back, I was invited to be a man. When I said my vows two separate times, taking the wheel of two train wrecks I called marriages, I was invited to be a man. When I watched my two beautiful children being born, I was invited to be a man. When I traded doing the right thing for selfishness, I was invited, and once again ignored the opportunity to be a man.

I can count on one hand the moments in my life where I truly accepted the invitation, the invitation from God, not the one the world spits at me every second of every day, to be a man. The times I ignored that same invitation are innumerable. The times I accepted the world's invitation are immeasurable.

A dear friend of mine mentioned today that one of his biggest regrets was not finishing his Eagle Scout status in high school. Praise be to God that there are men out there whose biggest regret is that. I truly have more regrets than I have moments of which I'm proud, yet I am still invited. That same dear friend extended to me, along with fifty or so other men, God's invitation to be a man today, an authentic man. I've been invited to be a man in the lives of my children, in the lives of those around me, in my actions, my words, my thoughts, my behavior, and my life.

It's no coincidence that invitation was extended to me today. I was convicted a month ago at a discipleship conference that I had ignored it for too long. It's no coincidence I finally made it to a men's breakfast at 8:00 am on a Saturday with two children in my care and a whole list of reasons not to go. I kicked it aside and made time, instead of performing a cowardly search for time that I know I don't have. It's no coincidence, it's my duty.

I will not sit idly by and watch my duties as a father and man get handed off to others because I won't step up and take them on myself. That's right, it's about time...

...to be a man. Straining, striving, pressing towards the goal. Forgetting what is behind. Being what I was created to be.

I accept.