Yep, it happened, once again. The past, or at least one of its representatives, kicked me in the teeth today. I knew a long time ago that the consequences of my crime would hang around forever. Today was just another reminder of that. I'd like to go into a bit more detail about my crime than I have before, so you'll understand just how ugly it was.
I had been a high school teacher at ASMSA in Hot Springs for nearly six years when my despicable acts were discovered. I was the Science Department Chair at the time, and had taught over 1,000 students, many of whom had regarded me as their favorite teacher, their friend, their confidant, or at least a person they enjoyed talking to. I was in the perfect position to do so much good. I started there in my mid-twenties, not even a decade older than them. We listened to the same music, had the same interests, and in many respects were more like buddies than teacher/students. I could have had such a powerful ministry and impact on so many people if I had just done what I was supposed to do. Instead, I took advantage of my position and ignored my responsibilities as a teacher, father, husband, man...you name it. In February of 2002 I was arrested for having an affair with a female student. A year later I was convicted of sexual assault in the 1st degree and sentenced to 6 years probation and a $15,000 fine. You know the rest (or perhaps you don't, just go back and read any number of my ramblings on the subject).
I hurt so many people. I knew then as I do now that some of the damage I had done was irreparable. But today I was reminded that ten years later that is still true. A former student reached out on our business' Facebook page and reiterated to me the sobering truth that my actions will forever have consequences. Even if I do nothing but good things for the rest of my days, that fact will never change.
I never had the forum to offer an apology to those I hurt. And I suppose this isn't much of one, with all of my six followers and handful of readers. But it's worth a shot.
To you that I hurt: I'm so very sorry. I'm so sorry I blamed anyone but myself for what I had done. I'm so sorry I let you down. I'm so sorry I ever entered the halls of that institution. I'm so sorry for who I was, and that I will forever where his face.
I pray for your forgiveness, but don't expect it. I wish I could undo it, but I cannot. I can only promise you this: I will continue to make every effort to be a positive influence in people's lives, and try to demonstrate that someone who caused the pain I did, on such a widespread scale, can do something right.
God's grace is the only reason I'm alive today, and I'll be damned if I don't do something useful with that fact. I have, and will, make a positive difference, because God saw fit, despite my efforts to end it all, to keep me around for some reason. And I will not take that for granted.
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You don't know me and I don't know you. My wife went to high school with you. Anyway, she was telling me about the restaurant that you have and a little of what she knows about your situation.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know a little of what God impressed upon my heart, as I was reading this post.
We all make mistakes. Some more serious than others, but mistakes they are. In God's eyes, they are sins one and the same. The Bible tells us that when we break one law, we might as well have broken them all. We are lawbreakers.
Thankfully, God offers a forgiveness like no other. He will take those sins and scatter them as far as the east is from the west. All we have to do is sincerely seek His forgiveness. He is just to forgive us, whatever the sin is.
Being forgiven does not mean the consequences aren't there anymore. We still must suffer the consequences of our actions, whatever that may be.
I do know that God can use good things or bad things that happen in our lives to fulfill His purpose. As unfortunate as this incident was, would you be where you are today with the restaurant and those you have working with you? If you will allow Him, God can and will use you to further His kingdom.
Good luck in your ministry and recovery from this!!!